Introduction

My name is John Smith and I live in Anywhere, USA. I am in my early thirties. I have a beautiful wife and three beautiful children. I own a small software company. I have a big house, big cars, and I have more material possessions than most. My family lives very comfortably and I am able to give them whatever they want. I do not attend church regularly but I am God fearing. I am not a saint but my spiritual compass works very well. I am well respected by my extended family, the business community, my church, and my peers. On the surface, it appears that I am living the American Dream.

It’s all bullshit.

The person that people see is real. I really am that person most of the time. The person that people do not see is a 180 degree opposite. I love my wife but I’ve had too many extra-marital encounters to remember, mostly with prostitutes. I’m starting to think it’s an addiction. The thriving business I once had is on the verge of going under. I’m losing all of my clients and staff and the bills are mounting. I’d quit if I thought it wouldn’t reflect poorly on me. My mortgage and car notes are paid on time every month but I’m overwhelmed by debt. All of my credit cards are at the spending limit and it’s becoming impossible to save any money. I pray to God for forgiveness everyday but my sins are mounting daily. I have repentance in my heart for some of them but not enough to stop committing them. Having the respect of others is great but if I had more self-respect, I wouldn’t have this alter ego.

My life was destined to be something great, something inspirational to everyone. Now, my life is spinning out of control and I don’t have a handle on anything. Mentally, I’ve been documenting this regression for about 4 years. I can even pinpoint the catalyst that triggered the fall.

About two years into my marriage, an old girlfriend called me at home. I don’t know she found my number. Nevertheless, answering the phone ignited a series of foolish mistakes, which bring me to where I am now.

Rock bottom IS approaching. I feel like I can’t catch my breath. My mind never rests from all of the worrying. Most days, I don’t want to face life. It’s affecting the way I interact with my family. I’m no longer able to hid the shame.

I have to take control of my life. And it has to start today.

Today, November 28, 2007, I begin putting John Smith back together. Over the next forty days, I have seven goals that I must achieve.

1. I will revive my relationship with God.

a. Without God, I can’t do anything. I haven’t forgotten that fact. However, I haven’t been acknowledging it, either. Starting today, I will read the Bible and pray every morning when I wake up and before I go to bed.

2. I will not cheat on my wife.

a. This is going to be hard. I have 3 mistresses, in addition to my regular stop at the massage parlor. One is young and she is smoking hot. She’s a lot of trouble but I haven’t had sex with her yet, so I put up with more than I should. The head is priceless, though. The second one is married and her husband doesn’t show her any affection. He ignores her. All I have to do is tell her something nice about herself and she’ll do anything I ask. The other is about 4 years older than I am. Her last boyfriend led her on for years. Now, she’s vulnerable. The sex is wonderful.

b. Re-directing the energy I use to please my mistresses onto my wife should have a great effect on marriage. My marriage is already really good to begin with. I really don’t have a reason to step outside of my house.

3. I will spend more time with my children.

a. I already spend a great deal of time with my kids but because my mind is so pre-occupied, I can’t say it’s quality time. My oldest can tell the difference.

4. I will begin working out.

a. Exercising is a great way for me to increase my self discipline. Everyday, no matter what, I will do something physical to make my body stronger.

5. I will stop smoking.

a. I smoke because I am weak. When I get frustrated, I smoke. When I need a break, I smoke. It‘s a lack of self-discipline.

6. I will eat right.

a. I have hypertension but I haven’t changed anything about the way I eat. Again, a lack of self-discipline.

7. I will not waste anytime.

a. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.

I have to do this. It’s a case of life and death.

John Smith