Day 2

2:53 PM

Today hasn't been bad. I've been productive for most of the day, calling clients and finalizing projects. I knew today was critical, so to keep my head in the game, I haven't checked my bank accounts to see the balance. I don't want to know the balance but I do know that I need to generate some revenue. Clients owe me money, so I've been collecting payments all day. I could never understand how people can waste money and go broke...until now.

The weekend is coming and I'm glad it's filled with planned activities. My ladies are calling me because they haven't seen me in a few weeks and I want to see them. One of them wants to see me today and she's tempting me with sweets. Dessert is a wicked temptation for me so that means she'll be seeing me later. I want to see them all because I miss them. They each have special qualities about them that I adore and not just sexually. I pray for mine and their forgiveness everyday. What concerns me is that I don't want to stop being involved with them but I know I need to. My prayers are sincere in the fact that I want to do better but I know in the end that I will sin again. Telling them I don't want to see them again is something I don't have the strength to do. Primarily because I know that I will call them back and ignite the flame again.

What's worse is that I don't have a reason to cheat. My marriage has been troubled for a long time. Over half of the time we've been married has been stressful. But now, we are in a very good place and I don't have any reason to stray. Yet I do...and I do it without thinking twice about it. It's almost as natural as breathing.

Hopefully, when I finish today's entry later this evening, I will have fought off the temptation to see Number 3.

John Smith